I asked for help yesterday, it almost metaphorically killed me.
This really surprised me … I thought I was quite good at asking for help.
I normally don’t have a problem speaking up, BUT THIS KIND OF HELP? How could I say that out loud? I didn’t even realize asking for this kind of help was so incredibly difficult for me … by asking for this am I a “failure”?
I don’t even believe that on ANY LEVEL, except do I?
Have I “failed”?
Is this a weakness?
Can I show this person providing the help, that I am raw and vulnerable like this?
Well, I did.
And, it was HARD!
And, I HELD my breath …
But … I did it.
It was still HARD and while the person didn’t make it unpleasant in the slightest [for which I am exceedingly grateful] … it was still INCREDIBLY HARD! I think I have said that already. BUT really REALLY, it was SO hard!
This made me think … I thought I was quite good at asking for help. Normally, I don’t see it as weakness. I see it as a strength. Knowing when you need someone to come along side you, to assist and support. BUT THIS KIND OF HELP, was something completely different … and this morning [29-08-2023], with a night’s sleep, a cuddle with my fur-baby at 2am and a bit of time and space between the ASKING and the exhalation … it hit me.
Not all asking for help is measured equally.
Which of course makes total sense. Can I borrow a cup of sugar and can I borrow your car, are weighted very differently. Please can you help me with this? Please can you collect that for me? Please can you meet me an hour earlier … easy peezy but, Please can I trust you with seeing so much more than what I wanted to show anyone … so much more difficult.
Like many, I have learned to ask for the everyday help; but this HUGE soul deep, vulnerable moment almost suffocated me.
Normally when there is a gap or a need, I would dive into learning something, add a skill, do some research, getting comfortable with the emotions I experienced, so I could armour up with awareness for next time, with next steps and new thinking, new behaviours. But that path didn’t help me this time … so now what?
Maybe … just maybe, this time I needed to UNLEARN something. Maybe, I need to get comfortable with NOT DOING, but sitting with the UN-DOING, UN-LEARNING something that I have spent so much time and energy working around.
So, with that shiny, new nugget, we are entering a new month – September. In the southern hemisphere, we are burgeoning into spring, coming out of our winter and man-alive, this winter has been plentiful, in both water and chill factor [we are very grateful for the water]. I digress, the 1st day of September is the 1st day of Spring here – NEW BEGINNINGS – so, I invite us to set our intentions for this new month. What word or statement will support your September and how can you use it to empower your life?
My focus for September will be spending some time UN-LEARNING. Testing my thinking around what I think I know and how I behave … is there a better way of doing something, or will I be UN-DOING something in September?
I would LOVE to hear what your intention is for September … drop it in the comments below …
[All credit to the artists]